Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater – Discussion
Nothing is more heartbreaking than being cheated on. But will you forgive them, or will they do it again, or do they deserve forgiveness? People might argue about context, like B. was drunk, but isn’t that a lame excuse? Well, we wanted to hear what our readers thought, so we asked 100 people, both men and women, if they think a cheater is always a cheater.
71% of people said they believe people who cheat will relapse. That seems like a pretty big number, meaning trust seems to be being damaged. Additionally, we asked if you would forgive your partner for infidelity, and 93% said they couldn’t.
When we asked them if they cheated on themselves, the interesting answer was 18% said they cheated on themselves. So even though they wouldn’t forgive their partner, they have actually been guilty of the same crime in the past.
For those who answered “yes” we asked them what their reasons were and 50% (9 out of 18) said “youth” while 4 out of 18 said alcohol was a major factor.
We then asked respondents if they had been cheated on themselves and unfortunately 41% admitted to being cheated on by their partner which is shockingly close to half. Oh dear Britain, we need more fidelity! Of the 41 who answered “yes” they were asked the age at which it happened and there was a clear split with no one answering between 30 and 40, the numbers were between 20 to 30 and 40 to 50. It seems like fidelity is on the line in the thirties, I’m not sure how much to read into this given the figures but it’s a very interesting point!
One area we looked at was context. It’s so easy to say “once a cheater always a cheater” but how did they end up there? Infidelity is not usually so clear cut. You really need to start examining how they got into the cheating situation and what the contributing factors were. For example:
What was the state of the relationship when it happened?
Was there an active sex life?
Are you a compulsive liar? What was the cause of this?
Did they enter the relationship at the right time and with the right mindset?
What was the work-life balance like?
A sense that “something was missing” in the relationship
Is stress or frustration being channeled in the right direction? Some people may take out their anger on their partner and blame their partner for their unhappiness, even if unconsciously.
Feelings of insecurity or insignificance can actually have the opposite effect and cause someone to become unfaithful.
What is their psychological profile and mental health needs?
These are just some of the factors to consider. None of these are reasonable excuses, but rather interesting insights into the mindset of an adulterer. To determine if they will do it again, you need to fully understand why they did it in the first place and see if that issue has been addressed.
More importantly, can you move on and accept her again? If you hold them against you, the relationship cannot survive. It requires complete and absolute trust in each other, and it eliminates jealousy, but once trust is broken, it’s hard to move past that.
For some people, relationships can recover and become stronger than ever, while in other cases, relationships can fail again and heartbreak all over again. It’s a very difficult topic, which is why it’s so interesting to discuss and research.
When talking to people who have actually been unfaithful, the key is this feeling of “something is missing” that seems to come up again and again. The idea is that something is missing from their lives, and the new person fills it. This is often based on desire, rather than the logic of filling a void in life, because life and relationships can sometimes get boring if you don’t keep things fresh, and bringing in a new person seems to solve that problem.
A relationship can languish temporarily, and the romance falter, until suddenly a possible alternative romance emerges, and something inside is ignited, creating an illusion of perfection outside of the romantic relationship. The “new for the old, old for the new” attitude led them astray.
But I want to hear from you. Have you ever been cheated on? Do you forgive them? Or do you forgive them, but they cheat on you again? Whatever happens, let us know!
DQH Knowledge drop: In your 20s, your skin cell turnover decreases. (Cell turnover is a key component in keeping your skin youthful.) You know what else slows down? Your collagen production. Starting in your 20s, collagen decreases by about 1 percent per year. Should you want to prevent fine lines and wrinkles, start by eliminating behaviors that contribute to premature aging. “If it’s bad for you, it’s bad for your skin,” says dermatologist Michel Somenek.
“Cigarette smoking reduces blood flow to the skin and causes premature wrinkling and a dull skin texture. Making the repeated pursed motion to inhale can also cause smoker’s lines. Alcohol and recreational drugs are toxins for the skin that damage its cellular structure and DNA,” Somenek tells us. “The faster you eliminate vices while you are young, the better chance your skin and body have to recuperate.” Also, adopting an anti-aging routine in your 20s is key. After all, the best offense is a good defense. We spoke to Somenek and experts Joshua Ross and Audrey Kunin to find out more.
Keep reading for the best anti-aging products for your 20s, according to skincare professionals.
Sunscreen
“We all know that the sun is the number one cause of skin aging and starting the prevention in your 20s is very important,” Ross says. “The majority of your sun damage won’t start to appear until you’re in your 30s, so don’t wait until you see it surface or you’ll be behind the curve. Stay ahead of it with a good-quality zinc-based sunscreen worn daily.”
Farmacy Green Defense Daily Mineral Sunscreen
An invisible sunscreen with SPF 30, plus botanical extracts meant to protect skin with tons of antioxidants. Bonus: It’s clean and fine to use under makeup.
Bareminerals Complexion Rescue™ Tinted Moisturizer Broad Spectrum SPF 30
Although we recommend you use your SPF and moisturizer separately, we also understand moments when you don’t have time or energy for that extra step. For those times, this bareMinerals moisturizer is a great thing to have on hand.
Vitamin C Serum
“A great introduction to anti-aging is to start with a vitamin C serum in your morning skincare routine,” Ross says. “It’s a powerful antioxidant that will neutralize free radicals and brighten the skin.” He adds that it’s a great way to counteract the effects of the sun’s harmful rays, which, as previously mentioned, are among the biggest causes of premature aging.
Drunk Elephant C-Firma™ Vitamin C Day Serum
The Drunk Elephant C-Firma is a lightweight serum that promises to give skin a glow by combining the brightening powers of vitamin C with ferulic acid, l-ascorbic acid, and vitamin E. The included sodium hyaluronate is meant to replace hydration loss, so you shouldn’t have to deal with any irritation.
Sunday Riley C.E.O. Rapid Flash Brightening Serum
This potent serum is jam-packed with vitamin C (15 percent, to be exact), which means it’s a potential superstar at both brightening skin and dousing it in antioxidants.
Peptides
Using peptides on your skin has many benefits, says Somenek. “The skin barrier is what defends the body against pollution, UV rays, bacteria, and toxins. It can be damaged by several everyday factors. Using topical peptides aids in building a stronger barrier,” he says. “Peptides comprise elastic fibers, which are a type of protein. These fibers help to make skin appear taut and firm. Peptides can also help repair damaged skin, relieve inflammation, and even out skin tone. Some peptides can kill acne-causing bacteria that is common in 20-somethings.”
Kunin agrees, saying, “Peptides are an excellent entry point for supporting collagen.” She recommends looking for face and eye treatments that contain these collagen-boosting powerhouses.
Charlotte Tilbury Magic Eye Rescue Cream
This Charlotte Tilbury super-emollient eye cream has a base of coconut oil and shea butter (read: it’s incredibly hydrating). Botanicals plus peptides are meant to help reduce dark circles and boost collagen, respectively.
This creamy moisturizer serves up potent collagen-boosting peptides and pycnogenol, and antioxidant-rich vitamin C. “Instead of sitting on top of the skin, peptides penetrate the outer layer so they go deep. The ‘signals’ they send tell the cells to produce elastin and collagen, which are needed for youthful-looking skin,” explains Somenek.
At-Home Peel Pads
Remember that skin cell turnover fiasco we talked about earlier? One way to help support it is by exfoliating. “Exfoliation is important to help keep skin fresh and luminous,” Kunin says. She recommends using at-home peel pads as an easy and effective way to exfoliate.
“The goal in your 20s is to fight the slowing pace of cell turnover. It is wise to use products that gently exfoliate, yet still remove oil and other impurities. Products that have Alpha Hydroxy Acids (AHA) or Beta Hydroxy Acids (BHA) are a good choice.”
According to Somenek, you should only exfoliate two to three times a week. “People of all ages are guilty of over-exfoliating and that can be too much of a good thing,” he says.
Dermadoctor Kakadu C Intensive Vitamin C Peel Pad
A few swipes of this Derma Doctor powerful peel pad promise to leave your skin glowing and smooth, thanks to the seven (yes, seven) types of chemical exfoliants, including AHA and BHA. It also contains vitamin C via Kakadu plum extract for added brightening and antioxidant protection.
KEY INGREDIENTS Kakadu plum extract is sourced from the Kakadu plum, a fruit grown in northern Australia. It contains vitamin C, which restores the skin’s natural barrier, increases collagen production, and soothes irritation.
Dr. Dennis Gross Skincare Alpha Beta® Universal Daily Peel Pads
These are the gold standard of peel pads, with a cult following and over 900 five-star reviews on Sephora. They’re easy to use and contain a blend of anti-aging exfoliating acids.
Emollient Night Cream
“In your 20s, you need to start upping the hydration in your skincare routine. You may have been cautious of over-moisturizing because of acne in your teens, but as you enter your 20s, your skin transitions and becomes drier,” Ross says. “I recommend an emollient night cream added into your evening skincare regimen.”
“Twenty-somethings need to make sure that they are not using creams that will clog their pores and cause excess oil production,” says Somenek. Opt for non-comedogenic products.
Cerave Skin Renewing Night Cream
One great choice is the CeraVe Skin Renewing Night Cream, which is a non-comedogenic night cream that leaves skin soft and glowy. It combines the moisturizing powers of ceramides and hyaluronic acid.
RoC Retinol Correxion Max Hydration Creme
“The best night cream ingredients contain retinol, benzoyl peroxide, and/or salicylic acid or hyaluronic acid. The goal is to moisturize, yet remove excess oil,” says Somenek. This Roc Retinol Correxion cream fits the bill as it contains both hyaluronic acid and retinol so it promises to moisturize while also being non-comedogenic.
